Week 6 Story: The Mighty Elephant Perishes
Image Information: Elephant silhouette (needpix)
"Holly, you know I love you. But, I don't think it's a good idea for you to keep sneaking out and seeing that other man anymore."
"This isn't any of your business. Danny is too busy with his work life to worry or care about me."
"You know, once long ago, a couple of small animals were able to defeat a an elephant, the biggest and strongest animal in the forest."
"That's ridiculous, grandma."
"It is, but it's true. A sparrow laid her eggs in this tree. One day, an elephant with a mighty itch on his back went by and decided to use the tree as a back stratcher. Another bird nearby warned the elephant about the eggs in the tree, but the elephant ignored the bird. This caused the tree to topple along with the eggs, When the momma bird came back she was so distraught. She asked another bird nearby what had happened.
The bird replied, "I saw an elephant knock the tree over! I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen!"
"Oh, how horrible. I cannot rest until this elephant is brought to an end. Please help me." the momma bird pleaded.
The other bird said that she would help, but that they would need more help. So they gathered additional forces from the strategic bee and the general frog. The frog devised a plan to have the bee come in first to annoy the elephant with its constant buzzing. Next, the bird would come in to poke the elephant's eyes out. Finally, the frog will begin croaking. This will cause the elephant to walk over towards the frog as it will become thirsty. And where frogs are, water must be there as well.
So, they carried out their plan. And it was successful. The mighty elephant of the forest perished.
And that's the end of the story. So now, if you must, go see your other man.
"It's too late now grandma. The sun is rising and Danny will be home soon."
Author's Note:
This week, I retold a story from the Tales from a Parrot. In these stories, a parrot tells stories to a girl before she decides to leave to see another man. By the time the story ends, the girl is not able to leave because it is too late. I decided to change the parrot to a grandma. I kept the story the parrot told the same. I only added one additional detail about the other bird warning the elephant not to rub against the tree.
I added this part because in the original they simply just stated that an elephant rubbed its back against the tree. So it seemed more like an accident. The elephant didn't know there were eggs in the tree. So the elephant shouldn't have been punished. In this case, the elephant was warned about the eggs. He simply just didn't care enough. So his punishment was justified.
Bibliography:
"The Frog, the Bee, and the Bird who Killed the Elephant" from the "Tales of a Parrot" by Ziya'al-Din Nakhshabi (weblink)
Hello Helen, I thought your story was very realistic and relatable. I feel as I was ever to do anything my grandma would do the same think and try to distract me from making a mistake. I also like that you included how the bird warned the elephant. I think that makes a lot more sense to me as well as to why the animals would want to punish the elephant.
ReplyDeleteHi Helen! This was quite the story. I would have never thought that a great big elephant could be defeated by some animals much smaller than it, but low and behold you created a great story that brought that to existence. You did a great job of balancing the dialogue and the narration of the story. I was able to understand the flow of the story the entire time and not a question remains in my head. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Helen, this was a cute story. I liked that you changed the parrot to a grandma; it made the story itself and the relationship between the two characters feel a little more heartfelt. Like Payton mentioned, I appreciated your balance of narration and dialogue in the story. It was easy to read and flowed really well. The only thing I noticed was that I think the second to last sentence in the story also needs to be in quotation marks if the grandma is saying that to her granddaughter (when she tells the end of the story). Lovely story!
ReplyDeleteHi Helen! I really liked your story. These stories where there are animals being used in almost a parable are some of my favorites. It was neat for your to make a new story instead having a grandma. I think a grandma may even fit better than a parrot for these circumstances! It was cool how the story was used. While the contents of the story were neat to show how the biggest creature could still fall, in the end the grandma was probably just trying to look after their grandchild. In kind of a sneaky way, haha! Great work.
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ReplyDeleteHello!
I like your retelling of the story.
I have to agree with the changes you made to the story. I liked how you justified the elephant's punishment because it helps the reader understand the elephant is the antagonist. If I may make a suggestion? I think making the parrot into a grandmother is a great modern and relatable change. However, it is a bit disjointed when continuing on with the story. Your work would be greatly improved if you made the transition between the opening and actual story more smoothly. Maybe the story is somehow a piece of advice the girl needs to learn.
I hope this helps, and I can't wait to see what else you write.